How to fight red Dragons
The person who slays a dragon – especially a red one – is often celebrated as a hero. In my opinion the killing of a single dragon is – apart from the danger to your own life – quite futile and ineffective. In the long run the most effective way to decimate a species is, to diminish its food-source. As everybody knows, red dragons eat virgins.
I’m sure you agree with me, that this kind of dragon-slaying is much less dangerous and last but not least much more fun. Ok – it is not totally without bloodshed - but most men are already proficient with the necessary “weapons”. Let’s take up the fight and conquer the red dragons together. I’m convinced there is a hero in everyone of us!
In short: dragon-slaying through virgin-laying!!!
-Panartias-
How to fight Beholders
After our first installment dealing with red dragons, we take a look at another dreaded iconic monster: the beholder. Now I prefer a beholder over a dragon any time – the reason is simple: you can run away from a beholder (you don’t get that chance with an air-born dragon). That is not cowardice – simply a tactical retreat! Because we are going to come back prepared… You ask how?! Well the beholders strength are its many eyes – but they are also his greatest weakness. You prepare smoke-bombs (green wood and lamp-oil; juniper is very good if you can get it) and one-way blowguns filled with powdered chili. Now I’m sure everyone who did sit downwind from a wet campfire or was ever unlucky enough to rub chili in his own eye understands what I’m talking about. Don’t be afraid to be hampered by the smoke or the chili yourself because whatever hurts you is 100 times worse for the beholder – you have only two eyes; the beholder has 11 and they are dangerous! So blind-fighting is your friend here. Just don’t feel too sorry for the beholder…
--Panartias
How to fight Hydras
We continue our little sequel with the Hydra. Hydras can be tricky opponents as well. Many regenerating heads! Got an idea how to tackle them?! Well how about this: You make sure the beast can understand you – a tongues spell should do it. Then you raise your hands and call: “OK – I give up; the prettiest gets the first bite!” If all goes well, the split personality of the multi-headed creature should kick in and you can watch the fight among its heads. Other monsters like Ettins or two headed Trolls can be susceptible for this tactic as well…
--Panartias
So if you like these ideas or even better have some of your own lets hear them! 
Oh gods, these are amazing! I don't have anything to add right now but I LOVE what you've got going here. How would one fight a construct though?
So we eat unflavored foods while we molest kids and trip creatures up with guilt? There has got to be a priest joke in here somewhere.
Seth_Ulrik wrote:
baldhermit wrote:
Heh heh, pretty nice. Quite clever (even if no DM would let you use these tactics!)
I disagree Illogical. Our DM would find some of the tactics to be well within the bounds of 'being allowed'. Virgin card theft, not so much, but definitely the others.
Thank you for the insight into the golems!
Bald, I'm not sure how 'virgin' explicitly translates to 'underage'. I've known many a person who is well above the age of consent who still retains that adjective.
Seth: how would you propose to eliminate virgins of the humanoid population ?
baldhermit wrote:
Ooookay.... there's a name for the mistake they just made (censoring my s n i g g e r because of the foul word in it).
and marrying off 16 year olds is not child abuse?
baldhermit wrote:
How to fight giants
Well, as I’m talking about alternative approaches here, I suggest not to fight but to impress the giants! And when I say impress, I don’t mean entertaining them (which you could do with juggling, magic tricks, music or the like) and which could buy you time…. a giant is usually impressed only by feats of strength.
Favorite strength tests may include: Heavy lifting (rocks), rock throwing (and sometimes catching) contests, smashing something, (arm) wrestling and the like. Eating and drinking contests may follow…
So how can you hope to compete against a giant in those disciplines?! That depends on your resources (and the edition you are playing)! A Girdle / Belt of Giant Strength would be great of course. The spells "Bull’s Strength" or better "Tenser’s Giant Strength" a close second. In conjunction with other spells like “levitate” it can help with the heavy lifting and rock throwing. “Feather Fall” can help with catching rocks. “Enlarge /Reduce” can help as well to cheat the giants. Once you have made it to the eating / drinking contest, a Bag of Holding or a “deep pocket” spell come in handy (to hide the food/drink ) or you could use illusions to create some additional food, that you seemingly eat.
As you see, it can become quite an expenditure, but it can be worth the investment if you can best the chief of a giant clan, since giants make good allies against some other monsters, for example dragons.
--Panartias
baldhermit wrote:
lololololololol
How about: pick a fight with a demon that only knows how to fight melee, then run into a building and shoot spells and arrows through the windows. Demons are Outsiders, and he will not be able to go Inside to fight you.
Beldak_Serpenthelm wrote:
I think he was more going with a play on the word "outsider"
Zathris wrote:
I know a Warden who one-hit-KO'ed the fight's big bruiser in Full Plate Armor.
You see, we were defending a bridge to an island and the enemy was attacking from the mainland. The ranger and I (Warlock) set up in some rocks near our end of the bridge, for cover and to avoid a straight-line shot taking everybody out. The Warden went out to the middle of the bridge and readied a reaction-attack. The bruiser charged in and she swung on him. She hit, and did 15 feet of knockback in her choice of direction. She took him off the side of the bridge (he failed his save to grab the railing and hang on) and out over the water. She indicated a square for him to land in. Unbeknownst to us, that was just past the 10-feet-deep line. Bloop! He went straight to the bottom and could not shed his armor fast enough.
I also know a warlord who liked to use Opening Shove on pirates. He might not kill each pirate outright (pirates prefer Leather Armor for some reason), but they spent so much time making saves and climbing back up the side of the ship that we could deal with them one-by-one.
There was an encounter we had where I was DMing, and had the party on a ship, and on the opposite ship was a group of pirate dwarves, each with relatively high HP, with the intent of trying to make a fight that involved shooting back and forth from ship to ship, with the added stipulation that the pirates were launching fireballs at the party's ship with the hopes of burning it down. What I didn't count on was that the Barbarian loves to play in unorthodox fashions, and managed to stack a couple of feats that not only boosted his Athleticism, but also gave him absurd jumping skills. So he leapt over to the enemy ship, and because his AC is pretty strong, the pirates weren't doing much damage to him. What's more, his Tyrant's Rage, when activated, gives him the ability to push enemies as a minor action until the end of the encounter (or something to that extent. Regardless, he had the ability to push people at a whim). SO he pretty much just ran up the entire ship, pushing all the pirates off the edge and into the water, leaving them prone to capture with ease.
I found this online:
Several level and edition dependent (and not too serious) ways to kill the Tarrasque!