Post/Author/DateTime	Post
#1 juniorjuly Jul 20, 2009 20:07:11	Let me just give you some background before jumping into the question. Before starting our current DnD campaign I was having a little bit of trouble with my characters backstory. The DM suggested that I make up an NPC mentor for my character since he it would work well with some of the things he was trying to do in the story. That made my backstory work so I went with it. We’ve been playing in this campaign for a few months and this NPC has shown up from time to time. From the way the rping is going there is a possibility of romance between the NPC and my PC. I’m unsure of where I should go from here. I personally don’t have a problem exploring this aspect of my character and the story but I don’t know how the other players would feel about it. Especially since the DM is my husband. I’m worried they may think this ‘romance’ was preplanned, a way so that we can flirt across the table (which is not my intention). On one hand I want to be true to my character and tell a good story. On the other I don’t to annoy any of the other players OOC. Now heres my questions: how do you feel about a NPC/PC romance as a player not involved in it? Are there situations or events that should just be avoided or should it just be avoided entirely? And lastly would our particular situation make a difference on your opinion?
#2 dougirwin13 Jul 20, 2009 20:29:19	Romance can make for good story hooks in an ongoign campaign and encourages roleplay so it's a good thing overall... As long as you don't run into problems with it. You have just highlighted part of the main issue I have seen yourself - the dynamics of the players and their real-world relationships. One issue I have seen is a player's SO (significant other) getting the wrong idea and thinking the player and DM want to be romantically involved. The other is your situation where the player and DM are involved and the issue becomes how the other players see in-game romance. In these cases the answer very much depends on the individuals in the group and their SOs. How well do you know your fellow players? Is exploring the possibility and potential repercussions with them viable? How mature are they in their roleplaying (mature players+DMs should really have no issue with this)?
#3 gregt_314 Jul 20, 2009 20:32:43	Romance is fine, providing: (1) The player is enthusiastic about it. (2) The DM is enthusiastic about it and is competent to do it. (I personally can't do romance in an RPG, it's not my strength.) (3) It can be done in a way that doesn't leave everyone else sitting around twiddling their thumbs.
#4 mrfantastic Jul 20, 2009 20:49:32	Basically keep it short. Like anything else, there's 4+ people at the table and most things should involve all of them. Romance by necessity involves only two people. So have a few sentences between you and your love interest and maybe describe your relationship growing with time, but don't get too detailed.
#5 crossblade Jul 20, 2009 21:08:31	I don’t know how the other players would feel about it. When out of game (either in person, or by email or however else) simply ask them if they would feel awkward with that. Tell them you don't want to feel weird about the RP at the table. Also, as a side note; ask yourself, how would you feel of one of the other players were to have this option? Granted it's different because the DM is your HUSBAND, but aside from that (yes, it's a big aside), how would you feel about it?
#6 sushijunkie Jul 20, 2009 21:12:52	FAiled romance I find to be much better. There's nothing like strolling into a dungeon to find your psychotic necromancer ex-wife still feeling bitter about being used as a meatshield during that fight with a beholder several years back. I'd take on an ancient red wyrm without any armor or weapons any day. So it may be a possibility to have it start up, but end horribly and have a somewhat comical bitterness instead of romantic. I also don't mind it if the romance is implied rather than actually committed. So your character and the NPC could go "off-screen" or a time and come back later. So the two are deeply romantically involved, but only behind closed doors so that none of the other players deal with it. It's actually what my girlfriend and myself do. Our characters never interact with each other romantically with the others, so no one ever has to put up with it.
#7 auspex7 Jul 21, 2009 0:03:54	I've only ever had in-game romance come into play twice in 20 years. The first time, two guys I knew decided to be jackasses and have their characters become involved. One of them was playing a female elf, the other a male elf. Somehow, both characters wound up acting like 15 year old boys. Not surprisingly, they were both being played by (then) 15 year old boys. The second time was very recently, and it was between characters played by my brother (30) and his fiancee (28). Rather than an obnoxious relationship, it added to the total party chemistry, because they had a nonstop barrage of jabs flying at each other, and the other two players at the table got into it with them, as well. Everyone had a great time with it, and the chemistry at the table came to resemble the same type of chemistry you see between people who constantly interact with each other--close coworkers, soldiers, etc. Their character dynamic became the "I'm going to give you hell all day... but I won't let anything bad happen to you." As a general rule, though... I like in-game romance to be implied, rather than acted out. Thankfully, the game I'm currently a PC in (first in 15 years as a PC) is me and two couples, and neither couple is playing characters who are romantically involved in-game.
#8 marmalang Jul 21, 2009 15:34:23	(mature players+DMs should really have no issue with this) The same incendiary argument somebody used in the sex thread... This is a game where everybody has gotten together so that they can pretend to have great battles, travel to new worlds, perform superhuman feats, get involved in dangerous intrigue, and save the kingdom--there's nothing wrong with romance, but in the opinion of many players, it's awfully pedestrian compared to dungeons and dragons.
#9 LordOfWeasels Jul 21, 2009 15:37:27	The main problem of romance storylines has little to do with "maturity" and everything to do with *boredom*. Anything that occupies a large part of the DM's time should be entertaining to everyone - which means that any romance must, by necessity, be fun for and provide opportunities to interact for people other than just the subjects. If you can manage that - so everyone has something *entertaining* to do with it - then a romance angle can be a welcome change of pace from dungeon crawling.
#10 dougirwin13 Jul 21, 2009 18:28:45	If it takes over the plot or becomes really prominent then yes I can see how it could be problematic. But if it was just background stuff, say in town reequipping ("While at an intimate dinner at The Dragon with Sayreh your character overhears dark figures plotting the downfall of some unknown figure") it can be useful and quirky. I guess I view it more as backstory/hook material than active gameplay.
#11 1red13 Jul 21, 2009 22:08:04	I think primarily the op has to be considerate of his fellow players game time and not dominate game time with a solo experience. As well, being cognizante of their fellow gamers level of comfort with romance in the game. I guess its not really the elements of romance as it is the level of sexuality that is implied with romance. Its been my experience romance is pursued and sexuality is implied or hinted at without detail.
#12 juniorjuly Jul 22, 2009 20:18:01	Thanks for all the replies. I think I have a pretty clear idea of what I'm going to do now. It seems that most people are okay with romance as long it doesn't take over the story. I can manage that easily and wasn't really planning on flaunting around my PCs and the NPCs love in the first place. I'll keep the romance (if it even happens) in the background. I really don't want our campaign to turn into some cheesy romantic novel anyways. I'm pretty sure the other players are mature enough to handle that, although one player’s character in particular won’t be able to handle it at all. He really hates this NPC. But that could always lead to even more fun. :D
#13 Myck Oct 17, 2009 9:38:35	I ran a group for about 6 years in 2nd edition D&D and by the end of it every character was married.  Most were married to NPCs that had been introduced throughout the story but two PCs married each other.  The romances and occasional love triangle really added to making them people and not just characters.  But we had plenty of nights where the characters didn't do anything but hang around the tavern and interact with bar patrons so it was easy to get these storylines into the game. Whether or not you introduce them in your game is largely dependent on the players.  Some may like that aspect of their character while others may not care.  It's important to get a feel for who may enjoy this sort of story and who would just go through the motions.
#14 montezuma Oct 18, 2009 14:10:48	I've never minded when other players have a romance, and by the sound of what you have described here, your case would be anything but over the top or annoying. I would be inclined to say 'go for it,' as it could add a bit of depth to the game. The only case in which romance becomes annoying is when it consumes a player. One of our group members does this from time to time. Wherever there is a human or elf female, he is there asking the DM of her charisma score and promptly flirting with her in an attempt to get her into bed with him by the end of the day. He's even gotten upset OOC when an NPC woman who was a complete stranger to his character was killed in an attack. The last time that player was a DM, he had a human woman NPC throwing herself on me from the first time she saw me...and my character was a half dragon. That is the only sort of thing that has ever gotten on my nerves about in-game romance. If conducted with a light touch, it can add quite a bit to the game. It can also lead to future games: the PC's children could take up adventuring, or some such thing. If the PC is killed, their offspring might want revenge. And so forth.
#15 aaddern Oct 20, 2009 13:54:49	in the last 3.5 campaign i ran, we had 2 aspects of romance that 'crept in' to play.. 1 we had a character whom would regularly miss games,  the first time he did,  the excuse had become while the party was fighting an orc army , he had hid away to 'protect' a woman he had met up with.  after that,  it became a regular thing for his character (expectably when abdicant) to have persuade the company of a woman instead of the heroic path. The 2nd was between 2 party members,  started out with a the female wild elf , finding the only not elf (human) in the party exotic , and evolved from there. It was seldom mentioned , just implied, and there was an extra level of protection between those 2. I think both methods , added to the story.  Giving 2 of the characters a unique dynamic, and a 3rd a character trait that could be used as a reason for his absence at times.
#16 graddlin Oct 20, 2009 14:19:30	Romance is fine...as long as it meets a few prerequisites: a) it is tastefully executed. b) it does not dominate or in any way detract from the storyline that it takes place within. c) it is not distracting to everyone else around the table. d) it is not taken too seriously.   There, I think that about sums-up the stipulations for romance I impose while DMing. Take care, friends.
#17 i_roll_ones Oct 20, 2009 16:58:49	I think many people have added in about the main issue, that it can't take over the campaign in terms of time. But I feel like I should bring up another issue, not that you seem like you'll do it, but just as food for thought: Location, location, location. Where is this person living? Do they travel? Do they just show up from time to time, or are they based in a city/town/village? The issue may become if the party wants to move on, but the PC wants to stay with their hugglemuffin. Now, if the party is a-okay staying in one area, this won't be a problem. But if others want to say, return to their homeland, or start hopping through the planes, or go through month long excavations of ruins, this might be an issue. So, I suggest talking to the other players about their plans, so the romance can develope without being an obstacle to them.
#18 graddlin Oct 21, 2009 9:28:23	I think many people have added in about the main issue, that it can't take over the campaign in terms of time. But I feel like I should bring up another issue, not that you seem like you'll do it, but just as food for thought: Location, location, location. Where is this person living? Do they travel? Do they just show up from time to time, or are they based in a city/town/village? The issue may become if the party wants to move on, but the PC wants to stay with their hugglemuffin. Now, if the party is a-okay staying in one area, this won't be a problem. But if others want to say, return to their homeland, or start hopping through the planes, or go through month long excavations of ruins, this might be an issue. So, I suggest talking to the other players about their plans, so the romance can develope without being an obstacle to them. This is an excellent and very well thought-out point. Indeed, a romantic interest's location does make a big difference when it comes to the progression of a campaign's story. Once again, this post presented a great point. Take care, friend.
#19 brassbaboon Oct 21, 2009 15:42:52	I've been playing for a long time (almost 30 years) and I've only had the barest hints of romantic involvement between any of the game characters. I think that's mostly because I always play with a group of guys, and even when one of the guys has a female character (I have one) there isn't a lot of interest in playing up any sort of romance. Probably the closest thing to that was a protective almost brother/sister relationship between a male ranger and my female druid where the male ranger had found the druid as an orphaned child and brought her to a druid to be raised. Once the druid became an adventurer, the ranger and druid began to adventure together and there was always a "special bond" between the two, but there was nothing even remotely romantic every implied, just very much a brother/sister sort of relationship. It did provide some interesting background for the game and provided a lot of role-playing fodder. That ranger was just killed in our last session in fact, and the druid, who just lost her long-time animal companion in the previous session, is having a very hard time with it.
#20 distractingflare Oct 22, 2009 0:34:08	I once ran a 3e campaign in which one of the party's Rogues had an affair with the Drow Queen. I figured, "That's a hook if I ever saw one." That led to the group having to unseat the King and deal with a civil war, then the Rogue had to raise his little Drow Princeling into a formidable young warrior, who eventually became a villain of a later campaign. So NPC/PC romance can indeed be a boon to the DM's storytelling.
#21 MrCustomer Oct 23, 2009 2:05:37	It depends on the style of the game in which you play. If the plot revolves around a particular location, such as the characters living in a city and mostly adventuring in that city and it's emmediate surroundings, then they would naturally need to build relationships within the city, guild contacts, merchants, rulers etc. This is particularly true in a game which is RP heavy with political intrigues. In a game where it is mostly combat, dungeoneering, and adventuring where they are rarely near a city then it might not be fitting to drag out a relationship with romance etc when in fact you will likely only come back to the town once in a blue moon and leave again.
#22 mousse Oct 29, 2009 15:57:32	Having played in numerous campaigns with PC x PC and PC x NPC and even the PCs getting involved in NPC x NPC affairs... I'm going to basically echo everything said here. It is perfectly fine and can even be enjoyable so long as it doesn't overshadow other players, eat up too much time and doesn't make other players uncomfortable. All told, I think it is generally great addition to a game.
#23 Svempa Oct 31, 2009 20:54:17	Let me just give you some background before jumping into the question. Before starting our current DnD campaign I was having a little bit of trouble with my characters backstory. The DM suggested that I make up an NPC mentor for my character since he it would work well with some of the things he was trying to do in the story. That made my backstory work so I went with it. We’ve been playing in this campaign for a few months and this NPC has shown up from time to time. From the way the rping is going there is a possibility of romance between the NPC and my PC. I’m unsure of where I should go from here. I personally don’t have a problem exploring this aspect of my character and the story but I don’t know how the other players would feel about it. Especially since the DM is my husband. I’m worried they may think this ‘romance’ was preplanned, a way so that we can flirt across the table (which is not my intention). On one hand I want to be true to my character and tell a good story. On the other I don’t to annoy any of the other players OOC. Now heres my questions: how do you feel about a NPC/PC romance as a player not involved in it? Are there situations or events that should just be avoided or should it just be avoided entirely? And lastly would our particular situation make a difference on your opinion? I've actually been thinking about this question several times the last couple of months. A lot campaigns (including my own) focuses on combating evil and destructive forces. It could be argued that love and the desire to build a family are constructive ideas. That makes sense, doesn't it? So let's say one of my players finds the description of an NPC appealing in this sense. One of my players thought the red-haired and freckled half-elf cleric of Avandra in a village sounded attractive. Shouldn't the PCs be thinking about their future, the way they could contribute to the world? I think the game should not just be about destroying evil, but about creating good things as well. As long as the "creating good things" doesn't become a drag and a delay for a majority of the players around the table, this should be incorporated.
#24 DwarfFighter Nov 01, 2009 4:57:22	On the other I don’t to annoy any of the other players OOC. Now heres my questions: how do you feel about a NPC/PC romance as a player not involved in it? Are there situations or events that should just be avoided or should it just be avoided entirely? And lastly would our particular situation make a difference on your opinion? Ask the other players if they find this annoying. If you don't feel comfortable asking then it's a safe bet that they won't be comfortable with the direction you're going. -DF